Anonymous gay stories
Confessions of an Anon
On the relationship between digital anonymity and sexuality in the LGBTQ community.
I grew up white, male, queer, depressed, closeted, anxious, affected by childhood sexual trauma, and with physical and emotional scars changing my encounter — subtle to some, obvious to myself and others. While growing up, I struggled with a sense of duality. I had an urge to be a shadow, hidden and silent, facing opposite the desire to be the brightest, most charming individual in any room. I was always going to live somewhere in between, oscillating from end to end, rarely stopping near the truest center. When I came out at the age of 20 and experienced the freedom of digital connection, I took it as an opportunity to highlight whatever side I wanted.
Growing up, I was always self-conscious of my physical appearance. I took every photo with my brain turned slightly to the right, revealing the side I believed to portray the truest version of me. I even wore my hat backwards to attract a more masculine man. This carried over into my first online profiles for Gay.com and Plenty Of Fish, which are perfect examples of the internalized homophobia and insecurities that coe
Personal Stories
I come from an all conservative family, with the exception of my father and I. Growing up, I never knew about their thoughts and views on anything political or taboo. But once I hit puberty, everything was exposed to me all at once. I establish out my grandfather is a homophobe and racist, and my cousin was a priest-to-be who practiced spreading his beliefs by slandering homosexuals on Facebook. The rest of the family weren’t much better, excluding my dad, who turns out to be a pro-gay liberal. The worst was my mother, who, although isn’t as extreme as my grandfather, was quite close to me during my childhood, and now I’m kind of distant to her because she doesn’t think I’m worth the simplest of human rights, and she’s left with no explanation to why I don’t confide in her anymore. But going advocate to hitting puberty, I adv discovered I was bisexual. It wasn’t a good time in my life at all. I had to deal with kids making fun of me for being fat, having no friends to confide in and entity scared of the possibility of being gay. I was often worried about it, but I had no way of talking to someone. I didn’t belief anyone, though I was in a little bit of a denial stag
2."I knew I was homosexual, but where I grew up it was not OK to be same-sex attracted, so I hid in my imaginary closet too scared to come out for fear that I would be beaten up and rejected. So I got married, not once but twice. Both marriages lasted about four years. The first marriage was without children. I tried so hard not to be gay. I confessed to a pastor and was told I require to be accountable to him. I was seeing a guy after my first marriage ended and I was told I needed to break up with him. I needed to be in church every time the church was open. I needed to attend a daily prayer group. I met with this pastor every Tuesday after prayer community for a two-hour bible study. And at least 2-4 times in a two-year period, I would fast for three days and then have Satan cast out of me by two pastors."
"Then I met my second wife at church one diurnal. She was beautiful and definitely out of my league. We quickly got married and had our first child. I was trying so hard to be straight, but marriage is difficult especially when married to someone that you do not desire. In that marriage, my wife and I created two beautiful kids. We divorced when they were 3 and 1 years elderly. I finally came out when I was a
Anonymous Story
**TRIGGER WARNING: this story contains some graphic details**
The first time it happened, I had just left basic teaching for Advanced Individual Training (AIT). I ended up at Aberdeen Proving Grounds on the 4th of July weekend.
I was alone there that weekend for the most part. Most people had gone home on pass. I did not know that. Little did I realize, the people who were left behind were the troublemakers.
The first thing I had done upon leaving basic was buy a few packs of cigarettes at a gas station during a break on the way to AIT. Having establish myself all alone in the barracks for an entire Saturday, and almost an entire Sunday, I struggled to find female battle buddies to accompany me to the designated “smoke pit.”
On Sunday, I dared to venture out. I believe I had someone stroll me to the smoke pit. There was a community of guys there, which was a relief at first because I reflection this way, I would have a way to smoke without having to rely on a battle buddy. The battle buddy command required you to have one of the same gender, or two of the opposite, whenever walking around outside the barracks.
I sat at the picnic table and chain-smoked, which w